Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
