ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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