There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
