And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
