you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
