So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
