mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
why do cheetos always look like penises
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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