I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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