when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
