Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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