Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
