The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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