Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
