Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
