what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
