the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
