So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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