She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm both gender and math confused
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
