Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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