She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
whose parrot is this?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
