Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
