my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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