I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
