Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
