drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is Oprah even human
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
