Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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