Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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