I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
