"it" just moved
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
