I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
