I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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