how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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