So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
