Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
