consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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