When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
