good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
