I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
