Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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