I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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