I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
