the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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