found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
