do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
