She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
