every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
