the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
