Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I just spent $27 on things to pee on.

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(510): View more from California

I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.

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(+43): View more from

She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair

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(518): View more from New York

Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.

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(510): View more from California

Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF

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