I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
