He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
