I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
