I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize