More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
