Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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