The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
