If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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