Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
