you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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