And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize