I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
