Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
