Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
