Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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