eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The beer is more important than you right now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
