So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize