I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
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